Mom and Stepdad

Medium: Watercolor on paper

Date: 1975

Mom and Stepdad  

Art had always been a profound medium for expressing the intricacies of human relationships and emotions. I am thrilled to share a very personal piece, titled "Mom and Dad." This painting represented a symbolic depiction of my mom and stepdad, capturing the essence of their unique personas and the dynamics of their relationship. 

As Pablo Picasso once said, "We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth, at least the truth that is given to us to understand.” This quote resonates deeply with my experience in creating "Mom and Dad." Through the artistic process, I uncovered and expressed deeper truths about my parents and their relationship—truths that might have been difficult to confront directly but became clearer through the lens of art. 

I made these two watercolor pictures around 1975. I was exploring my feelings about the farm where I grew up in Minnesota. I had not been there for about 10 years. Mom had visited me in New York 5 years before. A friend had said as a joke, “The angry one looks like your mother.” I thought of the angry one as my dad, but now I think they were both angry! 

Creating "Mom and Dad" was filled with deep contemplation and careful execution. 

The initial idea was to merge two distinct personalities into a cohesive piece that represented their individual traits. The choice of elements like the rose and the black panther was deliberate to symbolize their contrasting natures. 

I started with light pencil sketches to outline the basic structure of both faces. This stage involved careful consideration of symmetry and balance to ensure both sides blended seamlessly. 

For my mom’s side, I used light watercolors, focusing on soft shades to bring out the delicate and nurturing aspect. My stepdad’s side involved bold colors and sharp lines to create a striking contrast. The black panther’s fur and the snake were detailed with fine brushes to bring out the textures and depth. 

Incorporating symbolic elements like the rose and the snake required thoughtful placement to ensure they conveyed the intended message without overwhelming the main subjects. 

“Mom and Dad" encapsulated the essence of how two very different individuals could coexist despite their differences. It highlighted their unique qualities while acknowledging the challenges and complexities they brought into each other’s lives and the family.  

After I came home from 3 years in the US Army, I felt I could explain my feelings to my mom. I told her that she and Dad had reminded me of iron birthday cakes: attractive as colored frosting but solid as iron on the inside, without a successful way for me to make contact. She said, “How terrible!” 

Mom 

The left side of the painting was a tribute to my mom, the frosted birthday cake, illustrated with delicate, unfinished lines that signified her growth and evolution. At the center of her forehead was a rose, symbolizing her nurturing nature and the beauty she brought into our lives. The rose, a universal symbol of love and compassion, highlighted her gentle spirit and caring nature. However, the mask she is wearing hides her selfish nature, a facade that concealed her true intentions and desires. The use of soft pastel colors symbolized her calm demeanor, kindness, and the subtle yet profound impact she had on everyone around her, creating an illusion of tranquility and selflessness. 

Stepdad 

In contrast, the right side of the painting featured the fierce and protective nature of a black panther, representing my stepdad.  

The stepdad picture has sharp pointed edges, a snake for that famous eye in the middle of the forehead, and black and gold colors. The first two years into our lives, he was the greatest stepdad ever. After that time, he became the meanest person I have ever encountered. 

My parents were angry and frustrated that their dreams had not been successful. They were like iron cakes, oftentimes hiding their feelings under frosted appearances. We were the recipients when these feelings broke onto the surface. She often told me, “You are a terrible, terrible person.” 

 They were in their late 30s when my brother and I were teenagers. Mom, an aspiring writer, had struggled to sell any of her true romance stories. She once mentioned that an editor had written to her, “You write well, but you lack sympathy for your main characters.”  

My stepdad harbored dreams of starting a trucking business. After returning from his Army duty in Asia, he married Mom and spent the first two years working hard to fund his dream. Despite several businesspeople telling him it was unrealistic, he remained undeterred. We moved to a field just outside our town and lived in a chicken house. Stepdad dug a well for us, and although we had no phone or electricity, we did have fresh water. 

Stepdad worked extremely hard, taking on a garbage business in addition to his trucking endeavors. When I was 8 years old, I rode in the back of the truck, stomping down the garbage. Stepdad picked up heavy boxes, furniture, and farm implements from the trains and delivered them to businesses that hired him for pickup and delivery. On Sundays, Stepdad, my brother, and I also moved furniture. We owned an old truck, and Mom spent one day a week collecting money from the businesses. 

After about five years, she told him the trucking business was not paying off, but he refused to believe her. We spent two more years trucking before we had to sell our land, our chicken house, and our furniture to help pay the debts from the failed business. Dad eventually got a job in a hardware store in town. He was angry. 

My brother and I were very good students in school. My brother was the star half-back in football. We were very active in church. We played our violins on the radio and got our names and pictures in the local paper. Mom stopped going into town. Dad did not care to see our school performances. 

Mom visited me twice in New York before she declared, “I am not coming again until I get a book published.” She spent nearly 20 years working on her novel. The last 100 pages were a discussion between the two main characters. The heroine, who had always valued trust and honesty above all, came to realize by the end of that lengthy dialogue that what she truly valued were sex and money. After that, Mom never wrote another novel. 

Many years later, Stepdad found success in the machine business and taught at a college. Mom managed to get a book published when an interesting man hired her to write his life story, which was sold at his museum. She always insisted that we should only write about what we know. Her publication was titled "Big Game Hunting Around the World."  

Once, I asked her, “Why did I get so many spankings?” She replied, “You teased me!” Ok. I am sure I did, and time is a great healer and therapy helps of course.