Self-denial

Medium: Watercolor in paper

Date: 1993

Self-denial

This week’s featured art piece is one I created in 1993, during a turbulent chapter of my life. At the time, I had rented a small, beautiful workspace, intending to use it as an office—though in truth, it was an escape. I did not go there to find inspiration or focus; I went there to get away from myself. It was a time of profound stress and internal conflict, but I created three books there and several small paintings and one large painting named “The Twins” which is about the two sides of myself. 

The piece you see here titled “Self-denial" emerged during one of those moments of confrontation—or avoidance, depending on how you look at it. It is raw, unapologetic, and deeply symbolic of the inner chaos I was wrestling with. I had crossed myself out, in more ways than one, and the result is this visual exploration of the denial of myself. 

Let us dive into its meaning together. 

Visual Elements and Symbolism 

The face features two asymmetrical sets of eyes, emphasizing an overwhelming duality. The upper eyes are faint and obscured by the white X, symbolizing suppression, and willful ignorance, as if they are crossed out and unable to fully see. The lower eyes, bright yellow and cat-like, are vivid and piercing—a symbol of raw instinct or suppressed clarity. Together, these asymmetrical pairs illustrate a fragmented identity, torn between suppressed truths and raw instincts. 

The jagged teeth in the open mouth feel aggressive yet muted. The black-and-white contrasts here amplify the sense of anguish: a scream is implied but never heard, reflecting the frustration of silenced emotions. Meanwhile, the green, organic shapes around the ears symbolize blocked channels of communication—representing either an inability or refusal to listen to one’s inner voice. 

The pastel background provides a deceptive sense of calm. Its smooth gradients and soft colors suggest an outer façade of peace, in stark contrast to the chaotic, fractured interior of the face. This duality reinforces the theme of denial, where the external self appears composed while the inner self is in conflict. 

Techniques 

The artist employs bold contrasts—stark blacks against bright whites and muted pastels—to emphasize the conflict between suppression and expression. The sharp, graphic lines of the X and the exaggerated facial features create tension, drawing the viewer’s eye to the central struggle of the composition. 

Soft gradients in the background and the green shapes provide a visual counterpoint, reflecting the creeping nature of repression. These fluid elements seem to clash with the harsh edges of the X and the face, mirroring the push and pull of self-denial: the organic self-versus the imposed control. 

Emotional Impact 

This fusion of symbolism and technique creates a visceral discomfort, compelling the viewer to confront their own moments of denial and repression. The bold contrasts and fragmented imagery force a recognition of the dissonance within—what we silence, what we suppress, and what is left to fester when we deny parts of ourselves. 

Life Lesson 

Self-denial, while often a protective mechanism, fractures the self over time. This piece reminds us that facing uncomfortable truths is the only way to achieve wholeness. As Carl Jung said, "What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size." This artwork challenges us to stop resisting—to listen, see, and embrace the full complexity of who we are.